Sunday, April 6, 2014

A Forever Home: Part 2

I will never forget the feeling I got when I initially fell in love with T's parents. I was reading their "letter to a birth mom" and with each word you could just tell how much they loved one another. You may have questioned why my blog url is titled "crying gets the sad out", well it's because of something that T's dad said in that letter. They were talking about going through hard times together and how whenever T's soon to be mom would have a bad day, her dad would sing "it's okay to cry, crying gets the sad out." I don't know why this little phrase stuck with me so much, but there was just something about it that expressed to me the love they shared for one another and the understanding he had for his wife in her hard times.

There are just so many reasons why I fell in love with this couple, but at the end of the day, it was because of their love for each other that allowed me to know that they were THE couple. I remember the first time we met each other "face to face". We were in a small meeting room at LDS family services and there were 6 of us in there. T's soon to be parents, myself, Will, my mom, and our social workers. It was rather an awkward meeting. I was so nervous for that day. I felt like I had to prove myself to them. I was stressed about what I was going to wear (now when I look back on pictures I still ask myself, "WHAT were you wearing!?"), what I was going to say, and how they were going to react to me, and to Will. I was however not nervous, that they were not the couple for my baby. I don't think I even thought twice about it. While I can't speak for them, I am sure they were quite nervous and had a lot of the same feelings, thinking they had to prove themselves to me, but I already undoubtedly knew that they were the parents for my baby.

I remember when they first walked into the room. It was as if they walked as one person. She didn't talk much, and I could tell she was nervous, but the way that he protected her, and spoke for her, was amazing to me. He knew exactly what to say, and how to say it, and she never questioned it or looked as if he was speaking wrongfully. If I thought I was amazed by their love in their letter I was literally blown away by the love I was able to see when they were together in person. Meeting them in person only solidified my decision more, and made the next few months of pregnancy so much easier.

We met one more time before T was born (this time my Dad came), and I continued to feel sure of my decision to place with them. Over those last few months before T made her debut, they would write to me about their daily doings and her mom would send me pictures and hilarious stories that were involved with getting T's nursery put together. They allowed me to be a part of their excitement and shared with me every moment they could that involved them getting ready to bring T into their home. She would be their first born and the baby that would officially make them parents. It was remarkable and is still remarkable to be able to be a part of that. Having a sister who is not able to have biological children, I knew somewhat of the trials they had faced as an adoptive couple dealing with infertility, and I felt so incredibly blessed to be a part of their process of becoming a family.

While I didn't understand it in the beginning, as time went on, I really began to have an understanding for the plan of salvation, and the roles that we were to play in one another's lives. I feel strongly that some time before this earthly life that T's parents and I made a promise to one another and vowed to be there for each other during this time of trial for all of us involved. I remember her dad saying that he too felt strongly of this and that in some way had a memory of us raising our hands and saying "I'll be there for you!"

I feel eternally blessed that they trusted me with her life for those 9 months. I do not take lightly the responsibility that was put on me to bring her here to this life, and I am thankful daily that I was allowed to be her mother for even a small moment. While I wish they would have never had to deal with their issues of infertility, I am SO grateful that they were there waiting and ready to be T's parents when I needed them to be. If there is one thing I do not doubt in my mind, it is that she is and was forever meant to be theirs. While I of course have my bad days, and sometimes wonder what it may be like to have a 9 year old, and have even had small moments of regret, I stop and think about the confirmation that was made to me those 9 years ago, and know that I cannot doubt the decision I made.

It is remarkable to me how much T looks like her dad. If you didn't know she was adopted, you would never guess she was. Her dad, although I didn't know him yet, was the main reason I chose adoption in the first place. He was who I couldn't be, and who I wanted to have in my child's life. I needed her to have a dad she could call her hero, and BOY does she have a dad that IS her hero. He amazes me daily with who he is as a father and a husband and I could have never provided her with someone better. Her mom is the most amazing women who throws the most spectacular parties. Saying she throws parties might sound vain to some but if you knew the love and effort she puts into these parties you would know that they speak VOLUMES for how much she loves her daughters. I am thankful that T has her for a mom. I know that in my moments of wishing that I was the one there for her when she has her first crush, or her heart is broken for the first time, that her mom will be there for her, and my longing to be that person isn't so hard.

I truly could not have picked better people to be her parents. In reality, they picked me. Somewhere before this life, they picked me. I am overwhelmed with the comfort I receive when I think of her in their home, and although there are times of trial and grief, I am reminded of their love, and the pain literally seems to melt away. Even if I still don't understand it now, and am not sure I will ever understand it completely, I trust that the Lord knew what He was doing that day their names popped up on my computer screen, and He knew even more so what He was doing when He gave us the opportunity to work together to bring their daughter home.


  1. Came across your story at Thank you for loving your daughter so much, and thank you for your honesty. As I watch my daughters grow, I think more and more often about my sister's biological mother, only 15 when my sister was born. I wonder if she regrets giving my sister up, even knowing that our parents could provide for her better. Hearing your honesty helps... although sadly our parents weren't the parents my sister (or I) deserved.